The Silent Scream
If you want
to break the cycle of addiction and
incarceration or a destructive behavior, I would like to give you a powerful
tool for your tool box…what I call the “Silent Scream”.
Take out a
piece of paper, an envelope, and a determination to push
through tears and pain. That’s right go
ahead get it out…..we can wait until you’re ready to go on. Because if you do not do it now the enemy
will convince you to do it later and
later will not come until you are
back in the destructive behavior! So Stop reading and get ready…….!
Ok… let’s
get started….
As humans
out of self-preservation often we have to push back pain in order to move
forward in life and not get stuck in the whirlpool of pain that leads to
destruction, depression, inability to move forward, and often-times even
death. For me it was getting my property
after incarceration……changing out of the jumpsuit, putting on my leather
jacket, stepping outside pulling out a cigarette and lighting the zippo. At that moment I began my escape from the
pain so that I could get it behind me.
There is
probably no greater example of what I am talking about than child birth……You
ladies after birth will scream never again!!
Twelve months later……I think I might be pregnant or maybe we can have
one more….. Your protection kicked in
and you have forgotten the morning sickness, the kicks in the kidney’s, the
miserable last couple of months of pregnancy, the extreme pain of child
birth…..
So now you
have a clue of what we are going to do…..
First:
Take the envelope and write on the front, “Silent Scream”. Turn it over and in big letters write: DO NOT OPEN!!!
Second:
Grab the Kleenex, your pen, and pull out the paper. Now start writing all of the pain…. The loneliness of the cell, having to shove
your head against the concrete so no one can see your tears after your visitors just left, the times you missed your
children’s birthday, missing Christmas with family, the pain of the cuffs, the smell of the jail, the time
you woke up with the needle in your arm, the gun in the mouth or staring at the
bottle of pills……waking up with
someone in the bed and not remembering who it is or what happened……the paranoia that you are being followed so
you drive by your home twenty times before you pull in the driveway, the children that no longer will talk to you
because you can’t keep a promise……The damage
on the car and not knowing if you hit someone or how you even got home……I think
you get what I am saying….PUT IT ALL
IN ON THE PAPER! This is the
scream of your pain and hurt that you will
forget and probably have until you started reading some of the words
above…… Let it come out like a flood and get more paper if you need to….But put
it down on the paper.
Third:
Fold the paper and put it in the envelope and seal it….
Fourth:
Write on the seal…. Never read but hand this back to me.
Fifth:
This is one of the more important pieces….. Think of the person that
knows you best, the one that has warned
you before, the one that you avoid if you are using or going backward and
don’t want to be around because they will figure it out. Maybe it is Mom, your spouse, your son or
daughter, your best friend since childhood, the one that is the first to know
but still there for you.
Sixth:
Hand them the letter and tell them…. Do not open or read this letter but if you ever are concerned that
I might be going down the destructive path of my past. Hand me this letter because it might just
save my life.
Seventh:
If that letter is ever handed to you…listen to the scream!
Remember that the path to destruction is slippery with compromise,
deception, and often we do not even know that we are stepping on it…. But those
around us that are close, will probably see it.
My prayer is that you will look at that
letter, shed a tear, and hand it back. The
choice will be yours…. You can listen,
you can evaluate it and maybe you are not on the road, you can deny it, or even
just plain ignore it. But one thing I can guarantee is that when
you see it you will remember every
letter and every scream of your pain….. Do with that what you will but I pray that
you will turn from it and get back on the plan for your life to move forward
and not backward! Give the pain back to Christ and pursue His plan for your life and
not our selfish, self-centered plans bring about
destruction….